How Did I Get Here?
IS THIS YOU?
Have you ever gotten up for work, brushed your teeth, gotten dressed, ate breakfast, jumped into your car, then started driving to work only to realize that it’s the weekend? Or maybe you are driving home from work, you get home, and ask yourself, “How did I get here?” You can’t remember the ride home because it’s all a blur. You were on autopilot. I know I have experienced this a few times in my life. Sometimes I find it amusing. Other times, I am so amazed that the routines in our lives are so engrained into our very fabric that we don’t think about things or need to think about them. They just happen.
Do you approach life this way? Autopilot, that is? Is life so monotonous that you find yourself following the same dull routine? If you are a parent who has children in school, I am not talking about the daily routines you do in the morning to ensure everyone gets out the door on time. And if you are married with no kids or single (with or without kids), again, I am not talking about the daily routines you do to make sure you get to where you need to get to on time. I am referring to what do you do after you get home from work or what do you do once your kids are home from school?
HAS LIFE PASSED YOU BY?
If “Auto” has been your pilot as you have navigated through life, the questions of “How did I get here?” or “What have I done with my life?” can nag at you from time to time. I think about the decisions and choices I have made throughout my life. And maybe once or twice, in my younger days, the proverbial question “is life passing me by” has popped into my head. I mean I got married at 18. I had my first child at 19. I put earning my bachelor’s degree on the backburner until my kids got older. I missed out on experiencing what living on my own would be like. I had to change my major not once, not twice, but four times – all in the name of finding something that aligned to my life as I now knew it to be. So why would the thought of “life passing me by” even be a thought?
As you get older, and you realize that you have more years behind you than ahead of you (sobering thought) the question of “What have I done with my life?” changes from being a nagging thought to a defining moment. You begin to reflect on your life. You laugh. You sigh. You shake your head in anger. You cry. You ask if the choices and decisions you have made with regards to your children were the right ones. You may wonder, had I zigged instead of zagged would I ultimately end up in the same place? Maybe. After you have had the chance to reflect, it is at this point that you can probably answer the question, “How did I get here?” And by the grace of God, you are content with where you are. And you go on living your life thankful. Grateful and relieved that you have made it this far in life…unscathed. If, however, the answer to that question leaves you discontent, unfulfilled. Well. This is where I would wager to say that your midlife crisis begins; when you become aware of that inner conflict between your perception of yourself and your life as you think it is and what you want it to be; the desire and need to change your identity, your life to what you think it should be based on past dreams or simply by comparing yourself to your college buddy or bestie.
THE COMPARISON
Maybe “my life is passing me by” is not the correct choice of words that describe your situation. Maybe it doesn’t quite capture all that you are feeling. Maybe the words, “at this point in my life I thought I would have a house. I thought I would be making six figures. I thought I would have travelled the world. Or simply, I should be further ahead by now.” are the words that resonate with you. All these thoughts may be based on your age or the fact that you have put so much time and effort into your life and work that, damnit, you should be further ahead by now.
Perhaps a significant element that adds to the feelings of falling behind is social media. Seeing posts from your TV reality stars, childhood friends, co-workers, and even relatives that include pictures of them vacationing in Cancun, pictures of their new sports car that, oh by the way, you have had your eyes on for quite some time, and the various pictures of them in their beautiful home, etc., etc. – opens that door where you start to do that comparison thing; comparing yourself to the unrealistic images on social media to what you believe your life should look like or what you should have. And so, that vicious cycle of feeling inadequate, disappointed, and deficient starts to overcome you. No doubt social media can negatively affect a person’s self-perception and mental health.
The thing that we need to remember when it comes to social media is that some of the posts that we read, some of the images that we look at are not what they appear to be. How Social Media Affects Self-Perception calls out why you should refrain from doing comparisons on social media.
What you see on social media is not always reality. There are some people out there that are obsessed with upholding a certain image that they will edit their photos to maintain that image. So, take heed and don’t compare yourself to something that may not be real.
Things are not always what they appear to be. Outwardly, a person may look successful, happy and appear to have it all. But the fact of the matter is they may be struggling and could be going through a difficult time in their life. Don’t always believe what you see. Appearances can be deceiving.
If you fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others on social media, it will only hinder your progress to becoming happy and successful.
TYING IT ALL TOGETHER
The questions, “How did I get here?” and “Is life passing me by” are not questions that are asked when you reach a certain age. They are not only asked by women or middle-aged men. They are questions that arise when you reflect on your life. They come up when you compare your life to that of others. There is nothing wrong with these questions if applied in a healthy way as they can serve as a barometer to whether you are moving in the right direction. Are you moving towards or away from your goals? Are you doing things that are beneficial or detrimental to your well-being? Every now and then you may find yourself obsessing over what your friends are doing and may secretly wish that your life could be like theirs. But ask yourself, “Would you post or share on social media events that do not make your life sound great or interesting?” More often than not, you post things that are fun and uplifting. Celebrities post things that depict them in a favorable light or share narratives that are cool and entertaining. Why should we be any different?
Earlier in this blog, I shared some factors that could possibly contribute to the feelings that life has passed me by. And I have to say, that after doing the reflection exercise, I do not feel that way at all. In fact, I believe there are so many blessings that resulted from the decisions and choices I have made. I have three beautiful, kind-hearted, thoughtful, healthy, and loving children. They are my legacy and a part of me will continue to live on in them after I have left this world. Having my children at a young age meant that I could enjoy doing “adult” things with them while still being relatively young. I can keep up with my grandchildren and not tire out so easily. I eventually earned my bachelor’s degree in International Business as well as my MBA. As far as missing out on living on my own, I don’t even think about it. What I think about is this – having my children at a young age has afforded me many opportunities such as travelling abroad, enjoying that sports car, eating out as often as I want and so on and so forth and still having a good number of years ahead of me. I am truly blessed.
CALL TO ACTION
My story may be like yours. My story may be so foreign to you that you did not even read this far in my blog. While we are different, there are some good stories and some worthy tips that you can apply that will hep you navigate your life. If you feel like life has/is passing you by, I urge you to stop and do the reflection exercise. Think about your life. The decisions and choices you have made. While there may be parts in your life that you wish to ignore or that you woefully regret, what have you learned? Who was there at the point in your life? Where are they now? Have you impacted their life? Do you know? Do you even care?
These experiences have made you who you are today. If you have regrets, recognize them, and learn from them. Use them to help you be a better person. If you truly feel that life has passed you by, do your best to let that feeling go. Pray. Have grace. And if you are not the praying type, do the thing that helps you get in the right frame of mind so that you can move forward. Recognize all the blessing you have been given, control that which is in your control, and change your circumstances.
For those of you who use social media as your barometer for success. Do the reflection exercise. Does it really matter how your life compares to that of your friend’s life? Do you truly know what their life is like? What they experience and feel on a daily basis? Are their posts and pictures a true reflection of what is going on in their lives? I challenge you to limit your time on your phones, computers, and tablets. What are your hobbies? Your likes? Your passion? Find it. Identify it. When you take the time to invest in yourself, take the time to really get to know who you are – life becomes exciting! And you won’t need to know who is doing what on social media because your time is now filled with meaningful things that will help to fulfill your life.
What will you do today so that if asked “How did you get here?” you will undeniably know the answer to that question?
